email funnies

40th wedding anniversary

2009-06-05T19:47:00.001+10:00

40th wedding anniversary. This is priceless!

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving
to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling
husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary
II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love , but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years
old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful b ** tards should remember
fairies are female.....

SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH .... AND TO ANY
MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT
---

FW: Smile

2009-06-05T19:47:00.000+10:00

GOTTA PEE

Two women friends had gone for a girls' night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however
They had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi
Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to
Pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought
She would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive
Pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.

She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave
That had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she
Proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business, they proceeded to
Go home.

The next day, the husband of one of the women was concerned
That his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he
phoned the other husband and said:
"These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My
wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband,
"Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that
said.....

'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.' "

I WAS DEEPLY OFFENDED...

2009-06-02T17:37:00.000+10:00

Ever wonder what a muslim's pussy looks like...?

Ginger motivationals

2009-06-02T07:21:00.000+10:00

The little Iranian girl...God Love her!!!!

2009-06-01T04:44:00.002+10:00

An American man was seated next to a little Iranian girl on the airplane,
when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that
flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger'. The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed
it slowly and said to the stranger:
'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the American.
'Since you are Iranian, how about nuclear power?'
And he smiles.
'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a
question first'.

'A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer
excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse
produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The American, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks
about it and says, Hmmm, I have no idea.'?

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss
nuclear power... when you don't know shit?

Centrelink Fairy

2009-06-01T04:44:00.001+10:00

One day a destitute refugee claimant was outside the Brisbane immigration
offices when the Centrelink fairy appeared.

''My good man,'' the fairy said, ''I've been told to grant you three wishes,
since you just arrived in Australia with your wife and three children.''

The man told the fairy. ''Well, where I come from we don't have good teeth,
so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.''
The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and....''PING''.....he
had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

''What else?'' asked the fairy, ''Two more to go.''

The refugee claimant now got bolder. ''I need a big house with a three car
garage in with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my refugee
relatives who still live in my country. I want to bring them all over
here.''

''PING''..... In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a
three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ , overlooking
the river.

''One more wish'', said the fairy, waving her wand. ''Yes, one more wish.
I want to be like an Australian with designer clothes instead of manjams,
and a baseball cap instead of this turban.
.........and I want to have white skin like Aussies''

''PING''......The man was transformed, wearing worn out jeans, a Collingwood
T- shirt and a baseball cap.
He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon..

''What happened to my new teeth?'' he wailed. ''Where is my new house?''

The fairy said ''Tough luck, shithead, Now that you are an Australian, you
have to fend for yourself.''
..............and she disappeared!

A little known, but important fact . . .

2009-06-01T04:41:00.000+10:00

A little known fact....

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet
was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-01T04:34:00.000+10:00

Has anyone else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't know if this is just a sick coincidence but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of
Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian
racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs
around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It gets worse........

Next Year......
2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

Strailya Mate!

2009-06-01T04:33:00.000+10:00

An Australian, a Kiwi and South African are in a bar one night having a
beer.

All of a sudden the South African drinks his beer, throws his glass in the
air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

In Seth Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the
same one twice,' he says.

The Kiwi, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass
into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

'Wull mate, in Noo Zulland we have so much sand to make the glasses that we
don't need to drink out of the same glass either,' he says.

The Australian, cool as a Koala, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his
glass in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the
Kiwi.

He turns to the astonished barman and says, 'In Strailya mate, we have so
many bloody South Africans and Kiwis that we don't need to drink with the
same ones twice.

The Human Body

2009-05-19T19:00:00.001+10:00

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's pen*s is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

funny

2009-05-19T19:00:00.000+10:00

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After
a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember:

you've been listening to your ipod….......................

Pictures Taken At Exactly The wrong Time

2009-05-19T08:40:00.000+10:00

Parent - Job Description.

2009-05-19T07:53:00.000+10:00

PARENT- Job Description

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 kph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more..

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
** AND A FOOTNOTE 'THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!!

weekday funnies..

2009-05-19T07:37:00.000+10:00

A father found his small son looking very unhappy.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

The boy said, "I can't get along with your wife."

--------------------------------------------------------

One day, a New Zealander on holiday in London walked into a
curio shop. Looking around, he notices a life-sized bronze
sculpture of a cat in a dark corner. The sculpture is so
intriguing, he decides he must buy it and asks the
shopkeeper the price.

"Twelve pounds for the cat, sir," the shopkeeper tells him,
"and £100 for the story that goes with it."

"I'll take the cat," says the tourist, "but you can keep
the story."

The transaction completed, the tourist leaves the store
with the bronze cat under his arm. As he crosses the street
in front of the store, two live cats emerge from an alley
and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his
shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he
passes another alley, more cats come out and follow him.

By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred cats
are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He
walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as
multitudes of cats swarm from alleys, basements, vacant
lots, and abandoned cars. Thousands of cats are now at his
heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the
hill, he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the cats keep up, hissing
insanely, now not just thousands, but millions, so that by
the time he comes rushing up to the water's edge a trail of
cats several blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty
leap, he jumps onto a light post, grasping it with one arm
while he hurls the bronze cat into the Thames River.

Clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the
seething tide of cats surges over the banks into the river,
where they drown. Amazed and almost dumbstruck, he makes
his way back to the curio shop.

"Ah, so you've come back for the story," says the
shopkeeper.

"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a
bronze Australian."

--------------------------------------------------------

You are suffering from what is technically known as an
Electra Complex," the psychiatrist is informing his blonde
female patient. "In other words, you are in love with your
father."

The blonde breaks down into hysterical sobbing.

"Now, now," comforts the shrink. "It's not all that bad."

"Yes..(snif)...yes, it is," the blonde gets out between
sobs. "I have no chance at all...he's a married man!"

--------------------------------------------------------

After a torrential rainstorm filled all the potholes in the
streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little
boys playing in the puddles through her kitchen window.

The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his
brother by the back of his head and shoved his face into
the water hole. As the boy recovered and stood laughing and
dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.

'Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!' she
asks as she shook the older boy in anger.

'We were just playing 'church' mummy,' he said. 'And I was
just baptizing him ... ... in the name of the Father, the
Son and in ... the hole-he-goes.'

--------------------------------------------------------

An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so
advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it
in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'

A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a lung
out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking
for work in four weeks.

The Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so
advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person,
put it in another, and have them both looking for work in
two weeks.'

An Australian doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys are
way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of
Queensland, put him in Canberra , and soon about half the
country will be looking for work.'

--------------------------------------------------------

I reckon airports should have a room allocated to atheists
so they can go there and not pray.

--------------------------------------------------------

No One Could Ever Dream Up A Story Like This One.. As a
young piper in Newfoundland, I was asked by a funeral
director to play at a grave-side service for a homeless
man, with no family or friends.

The funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the
country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest
there. As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I
became lost; and being a typical man did not stop for
directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the
backhoe and the crew, who were eating lunch,but the hearse
was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped
to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid
already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold
them up for long, but this was the proper thing to do. The
workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I played
out my heart and soul.

As I played the workers began to weep. I played, and I
played, like I'd never played before: From My Home & The
Lord is my Shepherd to Flowers of the Forest.I closed the
lengthy session with amazing Grace and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I
overheard one of the workers saying to another, 'Lard
Jeezuz b'y, I never seen nothin' like that before and I've
been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.'

--------------------------------------------------------

A lady went to the doctor and said 'my husband thinks he's
a refrigerator'.

The doctor said "don't worry he'll get over it".

She said, " It's not that", she said, "when he's asleep
with his mouth open, the little light in there keeps me
awake!"

--------------------------------------------------------

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy,
walked Up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,
and said, 'I Would like to buy some cyanide.'

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need
cyanide?' The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my
husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have
mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband.

That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw
both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things Will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of
her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well
now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a
prescription.'

--------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for the funnies... I thought I would share "a
moment" with you from last night...

As a special treat, my partner took our 2 kids to see the
stage show of Wicked. It was a late night for our 6 & 10
year old girls... I collected them in the car and on the
way home, our very tired 6 year old was trying to remember
which day she had to do "Show & Tell" so that she could
report on Wicked..... "I cannot remember which day it is
but it has 'Day' in it's name....."

What followed was an annoyed 10 year old trying to explain
that all days have days in their names...

--------------------------------------------------------

She looked like such a sweet little old lady, driving the
cute Toyota with a bumper sticker that said, "Grow your own
dope."

How sweet, I thought, must be a medical marijuana patient.

Then I noticed the rest of her message... "Plant a man."

Never Drink Baileys!

2009-05-19T02:21:00.000+10:00

A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're

sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this

really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited

she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After
a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender
brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:

1 A salt shaker,

2 A shot of Baileys,

3 A shot of lime juice.

The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot
of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.'

So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.

He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK.

He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth........smooth,
rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks.........this is OK.

Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.

1. In one second the sharp lime taste hits....

2. At two seconds the Baileys curdles.....

3. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency
hits.....

4. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot.

This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to
disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says,
Jesus what do you call that drink?'

She smiles widely at him and says, 'Blow Job Revenge.'

COURT DOCKET 12659

2009-04-05T08:38:00.000+10:00

ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---CASE OF THE PREGNANT LADY
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 yrs old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, ' The Double Mint Twins are Comin ' and I grinned."

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling ' , and I had to smile."

"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself."

"BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, ' Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident ' ... I just Lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else

Queensland - The Smart State

2009-03-26T23:04:00.000+11:00

- look closely at this pic might take you a min or two (for some of you) to get it

MOTIVATION TIME!!

2009-03-26T23:01:00.000+11:00

Your Application has been rejected....

2009-02-25T18:45:00.000+11:00

stimulus Payment

2009-02-25T14:07:00.000+11:00

Important Information on the Stimulus Payment

"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?

"A. It is money that the federal government will send to Taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?

"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

"A. Only a smidgen.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?

"A. Shut up."
_____________________________________________

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at K-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on petrol it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to South East Asia or New Zealand (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan.

If you purchase useless cr@p it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the economy.

We need to keep that money here. You can keep the money here by spending it at garage sales, going to a football game, or spending it on prost!tutes, beer or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still here.

Education for u.....Origin of great company names

2009-02-22T10:43:00.000+11:00

Mercedes:
This was actually financier's daughter's name.

Adobe:
This came from the name of the river Adobe Creek that ran
behind the house of founder John Warnock.

Apple Computers:
It was the favourite fruit of founder Steve Jobbs.He was
three month slate for filing a name for the business, and he
threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the other
colleagues didn't suggest a better name by 5
o'clock.

CISCO:
It is not an acronym as popularly believed.. Its short for
San Francisco.

Compaq:
This name was formed by using COMp, for computer and PAQ to
denote a small integral object.

Corel:
The name was derived from the founder's name Dr.
Michael Cowpland. It stands for COwpland Research
Laboratory.

Google:
The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of
information the search-engine would be able to search. It
was originally named 'Googol',a word for the number
represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros. After founders -
Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page
presented their project to an angel investor; they received
a cheque made out to 'Google'.

Hotmail:
Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing e-mail via the
web from a computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer
Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service,
he tried all kinds of names ending in 'mail' and
finally settled for hotmail as it included the
letters"html" - the programming language used to
write web pages. It was initially referred to as HoTMaiL
with selective uppercasing.

Hewlett Packard :
Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide
whether the company they founded would be called
Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.

Intel:
Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company
'Moore Noyce' but that was already trademarked by a
hotel chain so they had to settle for an acronym of
INTegrated ELectronics.

Lotus (Notes) :
Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from 'The
Lotus Position' or'Padmasana' . Kapor used to be
a teacher of transcendental Meditation of Maharishi Mahesh
Yogi.

Microsoft:
Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was
devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware. Originally christened
Micro-Soft, the '-' was removed later on.

Motorola:
Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company
started manufacturin g radios for cars. The popular radio
company at the time was called Victrola.

ORACLE:
Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting
project for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code
name for the project was called Oracle (the CIA saw this as
the system to give answers to all questions or something
such). The project was designed to help use the newly
written SQL code by IBM. The project eventually was
terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish what they
started and bring it to the world. They kept the name Oracle
and created the RDBMS engine. Later they kept the same name
for the company.

Sony:
It originated from the Latin word 'sonus' meaning
sound, and 'sonny' as lang used by Americans to
refer to a bright youngster.

SUN:
Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies, SUN is the
acronym forStanford University Network. Andreas Bechtolsheim
built a microcomputer; Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott
McNealy to manufacture computers based on it, and Bill Joy
to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer.

Apache:
It got its name because its founders got started by
applying patches to code written for NCSA's httpd
daemon.. The result was 'A PAtCHy' server --thus,
the name Apache Jakarta (project from Apache):A project
constituted by SUN and Apache to create a web server
handling servlets and JSPs. Jakarta was name of the
conference room at SUN where most of the meetings between
SUN and Apache took place.

Tomcat:
The servlet part of the Jakarta project. Tomcat was the
code name for the JSDK 2.1 project inside SUN.

C:
Dennis Ritchie improved on the B programming language and
called it 'New B'.He later called it C. Earlier B
was created by Ken Thompson as a revision of the Bon
programming language (named after his wife Bonnie).

C++:
Bjarne Stroustrup called his new language 'C with
Classes' and then 'newC'. Because of which the
original C began to be called 'old C' which was
considered insulting to the C community.. At this time Rick
Mascitti suggested the name C++ as a successor to C.

GNU:
A species of African antelope. Founder of the GNU project
Richard Stallman liked the name because of the humor
associated with its pronunciation and was also influenced by
the children's song 'The Gnu Song' which is a
song sung by a gnu. Also it fitted into the recursive
acronym culture with 'GNU's Not Unix'.

Java:
Originally called Oak by creator James Gosling, from the
tree that stood outside his window, the programming team had
to look for a substitute as there was no other language with
the same name. Java was selected from a list of suggestions.
It came from the name of the coffee that the programmers
drank.

LG:
Combination of two popular Korean brands Lucky and
Goldstar.

Linux:
Linus Torvalds originally used the Minix OS on his system
which here placed by his OS. Hence the working name was
Linux (Linus' Minix). He thought the name to be too
egotistical and planned to name it Freax(free+ freak +
x).His friend Ari Lemmke encouraged Linus to upload it to a
network so it could be easily downloaded. Ari gave Linus a
directory called linux on his FTP server, as he did not like
the name Freax.(Linus' parents named him after two-time
Nobel Prize winner Linus Pauling) .

Mozilla:
When Marc Andreesen, founder of Netscape, created a browser
to replace Mosaic (also developed by him), it was named
Mozilla (Mosaic-Killer, Godzilla) .The marketing guys
didn't like the name however and it wasre-christened
Netscape Navigator.

Red Hat:
Company founder Marc Ewing was given the Cornell lacrosse
team cap (with red and white stripes) while at college by
his grandfather. He lost it and had to search for it
desperately. The manual of the beta version of Red Hat Linux
had an appeal to readers to return his Red Hat if found by
anyone!

SAP:
"Systems, Applications, Products in Data
Processing", formed by 4 ex-IBM employees who used to
work in the 'Systems/Applicatio ns/Projects' group
of IBM.

SCO (UNIX):
From Santa Cruz Operation. The company's office was in
Santa Cruz.

UNIX:
When Bell Labs pulled out of MULTICS (MULTiplexed
Information and Computing System), which was originally a
joint Bell/GE/MIT project, KenThompson and Dennis Ritchie of
Bell Labs wrote a simpler version of the OS.They needed the
OS to run the game Space War which was compiled
underMULTICS. It was called UNICS - UNIplexed operating and
Computing System by Brian Kernighan. It was later shortened
to UNIX.

Xerox:
The inventor, Chestor Carlson, named his product trying to
say `dry' (asit was dry copying, markedly different from
the then prevailing wet copying). The Greek root `xer'
means dry.

Yahoo!:
The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his
book 'Gulliver's Travels' . It represents a
person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is
barely human. Yahoo! founders Jerry Yang and David Filo
selected the name because they considered themselves yahoos.

3M:
Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company started off by
mining the material corundum used to make sandpaper.

Nun at the airport

2009-02-22T10:42:00.001+11:00

A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE AIRPORT, WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CHICAGO .

SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES
THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY
AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'

SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER
NICKEL IN, OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128
LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CHICAGO .'

THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY
GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE. THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE
MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN.

SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT
CAME A CARD THAT READ: 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE
GOING TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE.'

THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A
MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS
FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM. WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED
THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL
MUSIC. SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE
MACHINE, THINKING, 'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD
CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS , YOU ARE GOING
TO CHICAGO AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.' NOW SHE KNOWS THE
MACHINE IS WRONG, AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND
IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE
SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO
THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND. ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND
LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY
REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD
CAME OUT. IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE
FIDDLED AND FARTED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CHICAGO .

AUSTRALIA-- This MUST be done !!!!

2009-02-22T10:09:00.000+11:00

Its your duty, people

AUSTRALIA-- This MUST be done !!!!

It is a sin for an Islamic male to see any woman other than his wife naked
and he must commit suicide if he does.

So next Sunday at 4:00 PM, all Australian women are asked to walk out of
their house completely naked to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist
effort.
All men are to position themselves in deck chairs in front of their house to
prove they are not terrorists and to demonstrate that they think it's okay
to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all
Australian women.

And since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at
your side is further proof of your anti-terrorist sentiment.

The Australian Government appreciates your efforts to weedout terrorists and
applauds your participation in this anti terrorist activity.

IT IS YOUR DUTY TO PASS THIS ON.

Hundreds Attend Global Warming Protest

2009-02-22T10:04:00.001+11:00

How do pakis name their baby boys?

2009-02-19T21:07:00.001+11:00

How do pakis name their baby boys?

If he smiles - Ismail

If he has only one hair - Iqbal

If he has one hair on the ear - Iqbal Khan

If he has one hair on the bum - Ass If Iqbal

If he shakes his dads ding dong : Sheik-abbu-da-lulla

If he shakes his moms boobs : Sheik - Ma ha boob

If he is born with an erection : Fuckruddin